Theme

My struggle today has been worry.  Overwhelming, unadulterated fear.  How can I stand up under it?  I am afraid.  A question looms over me and I speedily fill in an answer.  I sketch on a blank canvas presented to me.  It’s always ominous, dripping black gobs of paint.  How does God respond to my fear?  Sadness…that I torture myself in such a way.  That I, like Israel, still don’t get Him.  Why don’t I trust Him yet?  Oh, to ruthlessly trust Him.  To not just say the words out loud and sigh as I say it.  What does that do?  But to live like the words are beings that move.  That once I proclaim them from my mouth, they take shape and grow into physical beings.  These physical words then bend me and pull me to act in trust.  It’s one of the hardest things, I think.  To not just “talk the talk, but walk the walk.”  I hate that the cliché evokes such ease and simpleness.  To get it from here (I’m pointing to my head) to here (now my heart) is killah.

I’m reminded of a song by Sara Groves that Lauren and I once sang in church.  It’s called He’s Always Been Faithful:

Morning by morning I wake up to find 
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine 
Season by season I watch Him, amazed 
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful to me. 

I can’t remember a trial or a pain 
He did not recycle to bring me gain 
I can’t remember one single regret 
In serving God only, and trusting His hand 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful to me. 

This is my anthem, this is my song 
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long 
God has been faithful, He will be again 
His loving compassion, it knows no end 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful 
He’s always been faithful to me.

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4 thoughts on “Theme

  1. Thank you for sharing this Lizbeth. Your writing pierces right to the crux of the matter of worry and trust. We are “ever in the process” aren’t we? We truly don’t get this childlike trust we are to have in our awesome Creator. But, we keep putting one foot in front of the other and every so often turn around and look and …. we have actually gone forward after all! And He receives all the glory and praise and thanksgiving for it.
    Keep on writing – what a gift you have.

  2. You’re so right…step by step, that’s how we trust. We take an initial LEAP of faith, but the trusting in Jesus is “putting one foot in front of the other”, as you said. What a great image! Thanks so much, Judy, for your encouragement!

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